My Special Star
by Mischel
Summary: My own collection of random drabbles, very short oneshots and poems :) #12 - Arthur has returned to Merlin and even though everything around him has changed, the sun hasn't. He's watching the sunrise and Merlin's sleeping next to him :) #13 - a poem in Arthur's POV after he returned to Merlin in modern times. Please R&R
1. My Special Star

**This is a drabble. I hope this will be a collection of random drabbles one day, but I have only one right now. So when I will have some other short ideas for a drabble I will surely write it and put it here :) And I'm not native speaker, so I'm sorry for any grammar mistakes that you could find here.**

**This one was just a small idea that crossed my mind when I was going home and looked up to the sky and saw one little star. I don't know why, but it somehow reminded me Arthur, so I decided to write something for it...  
><strong>**Enjoy :)**

**Summary: Merlin is still waiting for Arthur to return. But what does he do when his hope dies and he can't bear live without his friend anymore? What makes him to believe again?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin, not even a star...**

**Story: My Special Star  
><strong>**By: Mischel**

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><p>All these years. All these centuries. He was waiting for him. So many lifes and so many deaths. But he still kept waiting. For him. For his friend. Because he was worth it.<p>

Every night, when he wasn't sure of his journey. Every night when he was crying for him and felt alone. Every night when he almost lost the hope, he looked up to the sky at one star, his special star, and his hope was back again. He didn't doubt anymore.

Because he knew, deep in heart he knew that his friend's destiny will fulfill. That his friend and his only king will rise again.

But he never really knew that his special star, he liked to pretend was his friend's star, was really him. He never really knew, this star, was his king.

Arthur.

King, that was silently looking on his friend guardian from the sky and was guarding him himself. And the time to fall back into his friend's arms, was soon about to come.

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><p><strong>Ok, that's it :) Hope you liked this one little idea :)<strong>


	2. I Wish I Could

**Ok, here's my second drabble. It's a bit sad and after Arthur's death again. So I hope you all will like it and remember Arthur :)**

**Summary: Arthur is dead. But even when he is, there are still some things he would want to do. Some things he wishes he could have done before he died.**

**Story: I wish I could**  
><strong>By: Mischel<strong>

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><p>I want to hug you. I want to comfort you. Wipe away your tears and tell you how much you mean to me. That you don't have to be afraid anymore. That I'm here for you and won't ever let you alone. That you will always have me by your side, in your heart. I hear you crying for me every night. I hear you saying you can't stand the distance, that you can't dream alone and that you want me back. I see you when you blame yourself. I wish I could tell you not to. I wish I could thank you again for everything you have done for me. That you have always been my best friend and always will be. I want to hug you, and never let you go.<p>

But I cannot.

I am dead.

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><p><strong>This is a bit inspired by a song: Bryan Adams-I Will Always Return from a movie Spirit: Stallion Of The Cimarron. Just listen to it, it's really awesome and it fits in Merlin completely :D<strong>


	3. No Longer Alone

**Ok, seems I'm today in a super writing mood :D So here's another chapter to this collection, this time a poem. Hihi, my collection's growing up :D And to you who reads my other story 'Body Change', don't worry, I didn't stop writing. But another chapter is still in progress :)**

**So enjoy this little poem. Hope it fits in Merlin and Arthur bromance. I'm just not sure which POV is it. Maybe it could be Arthur's, but even Merlin's. So it's up to you which POV you choose :)**

**Once again, enjoy!**

**Poem: No Longer Alone  
>By: Mischel<strong>

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><p>When I feel alone,<br>When I lose the hope,  
>He's always here for me,<br>showing me what's home.

When I look up at him,  
>tears in eyes,<br>He knows I feel lost,  
>But his own eyes are wise.<p>

Then when he smiles at me,  
>I smile in return,<br>His smile's wide as a sea,  
>And what did I learn?<p>

He is always here,  
>and always will be,<br>His smile somehow,  
>always comforts me.<p>

Then he hugs me,  
>And I feel better,<br>Finally I am free,  
>And what does now matter?<p>

I love him as brother,  
>And I know he does too,<br>There won't be another,  
>Our bond's always true.<p>

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><p><strong>So that's it. Hope you like it. At least it isn't so sad as the two previous drabbles, is it? :D<strong>


	4. Of Love and Pain

**Another short drabble in this collection. But probably about nothing. Well, just about four words in fact. And a bit of strange babbling... Hope you will still like it :) At least a bit...**

**Story: Of Love and Pain  
>By: Mischel<strong>

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><p>Smile.<p>

Smile that always made me feel better. Smile that I will miss so much when you will be gone. Smile that I can't live without. Maybe you'd give me your smile in return for what have I done for you. For all I have suffered. But I don't think so. Not ever again.

Love.

Love that we shared so many years still dwells in my mind and won't ever disappear. The love for you, my older brother I never had. A love that I will miss so much too. Love that no one can ever have so strong as we had. Still have. And always will.

Tears.

Tears that I saw in your eyes so many times. When something was bothering you. When you felt lost and didn't know where you truly belong. Tears that are now streaming down my cheeks and falling onto your unmoving face. A face that will never move again. A face I will cry whole nights for, with a wish to see it again.  
>Your face.<p>

Pain.

That pain I feel in my heart is killing me. I have never felt such a pain, not ever before. And I won't for anyone feel the same as I did for you. The pain is eating me inside and I can't stop it. The pain that will haunt me in dreams for the rest of my life. Because the bond and friendship we had, still have, is special. Nothing is going to be so strong ever again. And I won't leave you. I will remember you.

And I will miss you.

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><p><strong>Ok, I feel it's a bit longer than a drabble, isn't it? Well, if drabble is supposed to have about 100 words. I think we could call it something between drabble and very short one-shot. Drabshot, perhaps? That isn't even a word, is it? :D Ok, I'm a bit rambling here again. A complete nonsence!<strong>

**But back to what have I written above: did you guys like it? At least a bit? I think it's obvious it was in Merlin's POV, and from 5x13 The Diamond of the Day Part 2. It's too sad again, isn't it? I should really think of writing something more cheerful...**

**But that's all I have now, so once again, I hope you liked it!**

**Bye! :)**


	5. Born with Magic

**Here's my another drabble... or rather really, really, really short one-shot, from Merlin's POV again :)**

**Story: Born with Magic  
>By: Mischel<strong>

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><p>I'm so sorry I didn't tell you before. But I didn't want to lose our friendship. And I didn't want to put you into the situation when you'll have to decide between your friend and the laws against magic. I have done so much for you. Suffered so much. I've lost my best friend from childhood, my only love, almost Gaius and my mother... and I wouldn't bear to lose <em>you<em> - my best friend, older brother, and my other half that makes me whole - too. I can just hope you'd understand. That maybe you'll see how much I care about you. And that I would never be able to hurt you.

But I was born with my magic. As the only one. I thought I was a monster. I thought I was anything, but a human. I didn't trust myself... until you entered my life and I entered yours.

I don't have magic. I _am_ magic. It's the very me, my whole person, soul, my core. It's flowing in my veins. It's like breathing. I can't help myself. I hope you understand. I wish you'd know how it feels to feel it in your body. I hope you'll forgive me.

I'm sorry...

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><p><strong>Hope you like it :)<strong>


	6. I'm Sorry

**And another :) - Merlin's POV**

**Warning: Suicide - so if you don't want to cry or be sad, don't read this, just go and find some happy fanfiction. Though I think I'm not that good to make you all cry... :(**

**Story: I'm sorry**  
><strong>By: Mischel<strong>

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><p>I feel that my heart starts to pound faster than before. Arthur doesn't know yet, but I know what it is. I couldn't bear it anymore. To look into his eyes everyday, knowing I'm nothing more but a liar. Knowing that I'm lying to <em>him<em>.

Slowly I feel my legs and arms, starting to tremble. And this time, Arthur looks up from his papers on his table to look at me, if I'm alright. If I am alright as I always claim myself to be. But not this time. Not ever more.

His blue eyes wide when he sees me. I know I am pale and that I'm falling on the cold stone floor, I used to clean so many times in my short life. A life that was short, yet it felt like centuries of lying and denying of what I truly am. Centuries of hiding and lying to my best friend. But that will end soon. I won't feel the guilt, stabbing my heart every time I see him. Everytime he shares something with me, thinking I'm honest too. But only I know that I am not.

I'm lying on the floor, and suddenly I feel someone lifts me and asks what is happening. But I cannot answer. I'm too weak. I feel Arthur hugging me tight and shaking my shoulders to keep me awake. But he won't succeed. It's already too late. I _am_ dying. And there is nothing he could do. Just hold me tight and show me how close friends we were. Show me that I didn't have to go. That I didn't have to leave him there alone...

But I had to.

I hear him calling my name in between his sobs. I know he wishes me to live. I know he wishes to see my face with that stupid grin of mine, calling for him to wake up. I know that in this moment he wishes this most of all. But his wish won't be fulfill.

Something wet's dripping on my cheeks and I slowly look up to see Arthur's blurred face, crying for me. Crying for someone who will be just a motionless body in the next few minutes. And maybe, when I try to focus on myself for the last time, I know I'm crying too. My cheeks are wet by tears of me - a servant, hidden sorcerer and the best friend of the Once and the Future King - and tears of Arthur. And maybe on the fraction of a second I think I was wrong. That maybe it wasn't the time yet. That maybe, I could stay a little longer and that I really didn't have to go.

But the thought is fading away, as my soul slowly is as well. And in the last second of my false life full of lying, in the last breath that holds me up before I fall into the sweet world of darkness, unconsciousness and death, I hear myself whisper:

"I'm sorry..."

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><p><strong>Ok, I admit it - I was crying while writing this. Am I totally stupid? I thought I could finally write something happy and maybe even humorous, but no, I just had to write something even more horrible than all the previous ones, had I?<strong>

**Hm, seems the last two drabbles end with the same sentence :D It proves, I think, how sad stories I write now... So that sentence again for you all, that were sad and didn't want to be: I'm sorry...**


	7. Summer Smile

**I'm back with another short idea. It's not sad this time ;) It's based on a conversation Arthur had with Gwen in 4x01, but it's between Arthur and Merlin. So yes, it's Merthur :)**

**Summary: Merlin and Arthur are spending a beautiful summer afternoon in the forest. But Merlin looks sad. What could Arthur do to cheer up his lover? Finally something happy ;)**

**Story: Summer Smile  
><strong>**By: Mischel**

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><p>It was summer. One of those days, when all of what you want to do is just to lay somewhere comfortable and relax. To let the sun shine at you and swim in a lake while you're listening the birds singing. Or a day, that you want to spend with your lover. And that is exactly what Arthur did.<p>

It was a warm day, birds were singing cheerfully and flying high in the trees, and Arthur was sitting in the soft green grass, leaning against a tree, with Merlin's head lying in his lap. A small, silent river was flowing a few feet next to them. It was glistening in the warm gold sun, and when Arthur was watching it, it somehow made his heart to melt and he felt happy.

But when he looked down at his raven haired lover, it didn't seem he felt the same way as Arthur did. He was frowning and silently playing with his fingers, lifted in the air. If Arthur knew what was Merlin thinking about, he'd probably tell him not to worry. but Arthur could just wonder what was going on in his servant's mind.

Merlin was remembering all his friends, he had lost, during the past few years in Camelot. And he was blaming himself for their deaths. He missed them all and realizing that he was the one who caused the end of all of them, made it all worse. He wasn't smiling anymore, and he stopped enjoying his and Arthur's afternoon, in the forest. And that made Arthur even more worried of his lover's mood.

"Smile, Merlin." Arthur said and stroked gently Merlin's cheek with his fingers. But Merlin's expression didn't change.

"I can't..." was the only silent answer Arthur got. But he wanted to cheer Merlin up, and he wasn't done yet. He mused a bit and then smiled.

"Do you remember the first time I kissed you?" He asked and this time succeeded. Because on Merlin's face appeared a beautiful smile, quickly following by a bit red cheeks. Merlin looked up at Arthur, his blue eyes sparkling again. And all Arthur could do in that moment was just to lean down and join his and his lover's soft lips into one beautiful, long and passionate kiss, full of love and luck to be there with him.

And that was all Merlin needed to get back into his cheerful self and enjoy the rest of this beautiful day with his king and lover, Arthur.

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><p><strong>Hope you all were smiling while reading this! :D<strong>


	8. Memories

**Just a little drabble I have written in school in our art lesson. I have no idea why we were supposed to write in an art lesson, but this is what I made.**

**Story: My Special Star**  
><strong><span>Chapter 8:<span> Memories**  
><strong>By: Mischel<strong>

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><p>Here. Here in this forest. Place as many others for a different person, not for me though. It reminds me so many memories.<p>

"It's stone. Just a normal stone," someone would say. But not me. I can well remember all the times, when in this stone, was a sword. The sword. Excalibur. This place is now rather an old tourist place, alone and forgotten in a silent forest. The new tourist place is elsewhere. There's a new stone, made of marble, with a new, artificial sword in it. Because noone knows how the real sword, sword of legends, looked like. Noone except me. The new tourist place is boring. It doesn't have the magic as this place still has. You could feel the life in every inch of the grass, leaves and the stone itself. In each branch of each tree.

I decide to go home, to my little house on the edge of the city, near a lake. I can't be so close to a place, full of painful memories any longer.

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><p><strong>I know, sad again :**


	9. I won't ever

**Just a little poem I wrote. I know it's sad again and I'm sorry for that. I just enjoy to write sad fanfiction and I think I'm much better in it... Please read this, I hope you at least will like it as a poem :)**

**Chapter 9: I won't ever**  
><strong>By: Mischel<strong>

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><p>So hard I tried,<br>so much I prayed,  
>So much I wanted,<br>Please don't go away

You know I didn't want to,  
>but I said my goodbye,<br>and now without you?  
>I wish I could die.<p>

So many years,  
>and so many wishes,<br>Camelot is in peace,  
>but I have tears on my lashes.<p>

You killed my soul,  
>everyday I ask why,<br>You, who made me whole,  
>I want to die.<p>

I failed, my dear friend,  
>Everynight I cry,<br>There's a peace over your land,  
>And still I want to die.<p>

Sometimes in my dreams,  
>I wish I could fly,<br>to find you, it seems,  
>And then I want to die.<p>

I'm counting the days,  
>I'm counting the years,<br>in so many ways,  
>I'm crying on my knees.<p>

So hard I tried,  
>so much I prayed,<br>so much I wanted,  
>Please don't leave me to stay.<p>

You know I didn't want to,  
>but I said my goodbye,<br>and now without you,  
>I want to die.<p>

But I won't ever...

And a tiny supplement:

Rest in peace my dear friend,  
>rest in peace in that fateful lake.<br>You will live in my heart,  
>for now and forever,<br>without any doubt.  
>And forget you?<p>

I won't ever

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><p><strong>So that's all. I hope you liked it as much as I did. I've written this in school and then let my friend (also a Merlin fan) to read it. And she was really sad and then she asked me why I always write so sad poems.<strong>

**And about one thing I'm not sure: Can Merlin ever die? I mean, when Arthur died, he is waiting for him another centuries and he hasn't died yet. But will he be able to die once Arthur is back again? Or he won't ever die? Because Emrys means 'immortal', doesn't it? I've written in my poem the words 'I won't ever' as I thought that he can't ever die. But I'm not sure and I don't want my Merlin to suffer so much :/**


	10. The Ballad of a Lost Sword

So today my english teacher told us to write a short conversation between two people and we had to use a few words she wrote on the blackboard. She said it could be a married couple for example and she said "It could be John and Susan." And I said "Mary," because Sherlock and Supernatural, so she smiled and wrote on the blackboard "John and Mary". (I almost started singing - John and Mary, husband and wife, bringing home a brand new life... I love that song) :D

Then she said that it could be anybody, like married couple, friends, homosexuals... and that was the exact second I grinned and decided to write about Merlin and Arthur.

So here it goes:

A: Merlin? *looks around* Where's my sword?

M: What?

A: My sword! You know that pointy thing I like to carry into battles? *rolls eyes*

M: Sorry, I haven't seen it. *pretends he's working*

A: *finds the sword under the bed* Have you put it in there?

M: No, what is it? *slowly turns around to Arthur*

A: My sword, you idiot! You know it's old, you have to take care of it!

M: Sorry, I can't!

A: Why the hell not?

M: Because it's not old!

A: What?

M: I've just bought it! Yesterday at the market on the courtyard!

A: No, we've had it at least for 3 years, maybe longer.

M: Yeah I doubt it.

A: Merlin? *angrily*

M: Yes, sire? *innocently*

A: Run!

*The End*


	11. Just Be Here

**Hi, it's been such a long time since I've written something for this collection, so I wrote a very short oneshot, please enjoy :3**

**CHAPTER 11**  
><strong>Just Be Here<strong>

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><p>Merlin knew what he saw in the vision. He knew what it meant. And Arthur would die if he didn't do anything to stop it. He wanted to be strong, to be just as always - that cheerful idiot Merlin. But Arthur noticed the change. He noticed that Merlin didn't smile anymore. He saw the sorrow in Merlin's eyes. And sometimes… sometimes you just have to let it all go and cry when you need to.<p>

That's how Merlin found himself in front of Arthur's chambers, late at night. He knew the king wouldn't sleep yet, and Merlin couldn't sleep either. He was too worried about his best friend. He didn't want him to die. He just _couldn't _lose him. He'd rather die himself.

So he opened the door and slowly went in, with a broken expression on his face. Arthur was standing by his bed, thinking about something, but now he raised his head. "Merlin?" Arthur asked. Then he noticed how hopeless and desperate Merlin looked. "Are you alright?" He asked his friend.

Merlin didn't hesitate. He didn't even close the door behind him and went straight to Arthur, throwing his arms around Arthur's shoulders without warning. "Merlin, what do you think you're doing?!" Arthur said, clearly annoyed, but Merlin only squeezed, burying his nose in the crook of Arthur's neck. "Don't be such a girl _Mer_lin, man up and tell me what's wrong?" Arthur asked, but then he felt something wet on his shoulder. He tensed. "Merlin… are you- are you crying?"

The only answer he got from Merlin was a sniff, and that's when Arthur understood. It didn't matter what was wrong. It didn't matter why was Merlin hugging him, the king, late at night. All that mattered was that Merlin needed Arthur. He needed to feel him there, to know he was there for him, just like Merlin's always been there for Arthur.

And that's why Arthur stopped talking and squeezed back, putting his hand on Merlin's shaking shoulder and the other on his messy dark black hair.

He would always be there for him too.


	12. The Sunrise

**Hello everyone! I wrote something for Supernatural and even The 100 this week and I missed Merlin and Arthur, so I started writing something and this is the result. It's actually something happy again, not a sad oneshot or a poem like almost all the previous chapters :D I just hope this will make you smile :)**

**THE SUNRISE**

**.**

It has been a difficult week. The first week in a thousand years that Merlin wasn't alone anymore because Arthur came back. Seven days ago, on Saturday night, Merlin heard the voice in his head, telling him his waiting was over. He rushed to the lake and found Arthur. He was wet and disoriented and he didn't remember anything since the beginning of the battle of Camlann, all those years ago.

It has also been a busy week. It took time for Arthur to start remembering. First he remembered getting stabbed by his youngest knight Mordred. Then he remembered Merlin's confession about having magic and then about the whole day he spent with his friend until he died in his arms. He even remembered his last words.

But that wasn't the main reason why it's been quite a busy week. Arthur found himself in a foreign world with only Merlin that could help. He kept waking up in the night because of nightmares and Merlin's always been there for him. He's learned how to turn on the tv and computer, he learned about history and electricity and so many more new things he had yet to discover in Merlin's apartment. Like chocolate for example. Merlin called it little pieces of heaven.

But none of that was important. Only the view in front of him was.

They were sitting in the grass on a hill and it was very early in the morning. The air was cool around them and everything smelled fresh – just like Arthur remembered it from his days spent in the forest. But the most beautiful thing out there – the one thing that hasn't changed over a thousand years – was the _sun_.

The infinite rays of gold and red, spreading across the morning blue sky. The pink and white clouds around it, looking like tiny sheep that got lost in the colors and warmth. And Arthur felt the same.

When he looked in front of himself, there was the most beautiful sunrise he has ever seen. He could actually feel the warm light touching his pink cheeks, caressing them. And when he looked to his left, he saw his manservant. No, not a servant. Not anymore. He saw his friend. His best friend Merlin, lying there on the grass next to him and sleeping.

Arthur smiled fondly and leaned closer to see Merlin's peaceful face. There was a tiny smile on his lips. A smile that made Arthur feel at home. Because even though everything around them changed – the people and landscape, somewhere even the smell . . . the sun hasn't changed at all.

And Merlin hasn't either. He was still young and clumsy, sometimes a little more pensive, but he was still Merlin. And even though Arthur missed his kingdom and his people . . . when he looked down at Merlin, he knew it was worth coming back.

***The End***

**I know, I know, it's really short and almost nothing happens there, but I hope you liked it anyway :D If you see any mistakes, please let me know, I wasn't really paying attention to any serious proofreading, I'm about to go to sleep :D**


	13. Home

**Hello again! I don't feel like doing my homework, so I wrote this little poem. And because yesterday's chapter was happy, this one is sad again, sorry/not sorry. I hope you'll like it :)**

**HOME**

How many sunrises have not felt the same?  
>How many times have you thought of my name?<br>How many dreams have you dreamt about me?  
>How many times have you wished to be free?<p>

I remember what it used to feel like.  
>Watching the clouds and thinking of life.<br>Counting the stars while falling asleep,  
>Feeling so happy, a feeling so deep.<p>

Now when I watch you wake up in the night,  
>screaming and crying and wanting to fight,<br>I remember how happy and peaceful we used to feel,  
>and I wonder when has that feeling disappeared.<p>

When I died and left you here on your own,  
>you returned home and found an empty throne.<br>It couldn't have felt like home anymore,  
>until you found me again on that bloody shore.<p>

Only it was nearly a thousand years late,  
>I still can't believe how long you had to wait.<br>But I'm finally here, so don't you cry,  
>we can watch the stars again, high in the sky.<p>

And don't you worry, my darling. This time I won't die.


End file.
